It would just be odd if I didn’t discuss the giant elephant in the room. Oh, this thing called a pandemic. You know…Covid-19. I have to acknowledge how life as we have known it sort of stopped and went on at the same time. And while I’m sure more eloquent people than I will share their thoughts on how weird things were during this time, I’m gonna just say it is, indeed, the weirdest kind of time. Lots of things have changed in our lives, yet the best things in life are constant, even through this.
You all already know all the things that have changed or have been disrupted, and one of these things was our “flow”, I’ll call it. The river we were either floating down or white water rafting at the time of our country’s shutdown, seems to have been dammed up and has switched direction, almost like it’s going back upstream. The ride of life that we were on came to a halt in its tracks, started back up again and now, in some ways it feels like a different ride altogether.
Very little feels the same to me and yet, some of the very best things, are constant and unchanging. First, the changed. My creativity has changed. I struggle quite a bit to create right now. Sometimes, I am able to, even when I think I can’t. Sometimes, I really just have nothing. I’m not sure what’s causing it exactly but it feels kinda yucky. Also, I go to bed earlier than I ever have in my adult life…the evenings feel restless and my anxiety levels go higher, so turning into bed seems like the best solution I have. The upside is that I’m getting more sleep overall as a result. I often feel aimless and my days can seem empty of meaning at times. I would guess that part of these feeling are due to my ongoing battle with depression and part due to the lack of any sort of “normal” routine.
But as I mentioned above, the constants are what keep me going and they are indeed the very best of things. God always has been in control and always will be. The absolute constancy of God is so dependable and reliable that we can throw our arms up and have the option to try to enjoy the ride of life despite the strange and scary circumstances. (Not saying I’m good at doing this, but it’s available to us.) When I focus on that, I am given relief for my anxiety. My people are the same. My husband still enjoys sitting in his favorite chair and watching movies with me, just as he did before this path went off-road. He still cooks great meals and works extra hard to provide for us. My 15 year old son still loves playing video games and reluctantly spends time with me that ends up being more fun than either of us expected it to be. Nothing has changed there. The older kids in our family still prefer their friends over us, and that’s been a constant for a while now, and we totally remember feeling that way, too. Most of my friends still live far away (insert pouty face) but they are thankfully still my friends. The seasons still change and that constant means that Spring has come and Summer is nearby. These things are favorites of mine and bring with them more happy sunshine and pretty blooms.
So our flow maybe going a different direction – it may be choppy where it once was smooth. It may be wrapping around bends we didn’t know were coming. And it still feels strange and weird. It’s still unsettling. But we have constants in life to get us through. And those constants will get us through. Tonight, I’ll remember that as the evening anxieties try to creep in. And maybe I won’t feel as aimless tomorrow, knowing that God’s consistency is the only thing I really need to understand right now.
I’d love to know what constants are bringing you peace during this time. Leave me a comment so we can chat!