I haven’t written for a while. Call it writer’s block or blame it on depression, or maybe I just haven’t had the right amount of discipline. Discipline is not a strength of mine. But this morning, I heard a song on the radio that inspired me to write and share and pour a little of my heart out.
Some of the lyrics that propelled me to sit here at my desk:
Where you are is never too late,
So bad, so much
That you can’t change
You believe in freedom,
But you don’t know how to choose
You gotta step out of your feelings
That you’re so afraid to lose
You put your feet on the floor, you gotta walk through the door
It’s never gonna be easy
But it’s all worth fighting for
You can never fall too hard,
So fast, so far
That you can’t get back
When you’re lost
(Excerpt from “Who You Are” by Unspoken)
I was reminded of all the times I feel too broken, lost or unable to fight for my health. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in life. I’ve fallen hard. I’ve lost myself in things like addiction to alcohol, seeking material things to fill the void, worrying too much about my appearance and feeling like being pretty would be the best thing I could offer the world. I have lost a marriage that I so desperately wanted to last forever. I have made choices that effect my children in not so positive ways. I have failed at things. Lost good jobs. Lost myself. I have done all these things and more in my past.
But it’s true, you can never fall too hard that you can’t get back. I know it’s true. I have seen it, lived it and have come back. God’s love always takes me back and always helps me back up again.
I think it’s because of who I am sometimes that I fall back down again and again…that the mental health issues I’m living with take me down to ground, that the fibromyalgia symptoms feel some days like they’re killing me, that I lose sight of God’s goodness in everything and His deep love for me. But, I’m reminded today, that I can get back up again. I do get back up again by reaching out for His hand and relying on His strength. God has redeemed so much of my life in truly miraculous ways. (That’s another post.) And here’s the thing. He can do the same for you.
He can lift you back up. He can bring you out of the darkest times of depression (sometimes we need a little professional and pharmaceutical help, too) and He is always there during those times even if we don’t feel Him. He can make our messes tidy. He can heal wounds from times of poor judgment. He can make us strong again after days, weeks or even years of feeling weak. He can help us fight our demons…addiction, poor choices, abuse, even horrific mistakes. We have to be willing to have a mustard seed sized amount of faith and He can redeem it all.
“If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”
I am approaching three years of sobriety (August 3rd – Whoop! Whoop!). I’m now married to the perfect husband for me, unmistakably the one God chose for me. I have an expanded, blended and beautiful family that I never thought I would have. I have more days of good than bad now, after a time of utter darkness. I have hope. I have forgiveness. I have times of struggle, but I have a rope to hang on to. I have the gift of grace.
Friends, readers, strangers…it’s not easy. I fight with my thoughts and many of the things I’ve mentioned before (sometimes daily), but all the above is true, too. We can’t fall too low, too hard, too deep that we can’t come back. I’m proof. And there is proof all around us. Keep getting back up. Keep reaching out to God and seeking a relationship with Him. I’m absolutely certain you will find that it’s true for you, too.